Table of Contents

Copyright Information and Disclaimer

This book is copyright 2012 with all rights reserved. It is illegal to copy,
distribute, or create derivative works from this book in whole or in part or to
contribute to the copying, distribution, or creating of derivative works of this
book… this isn’t professional, legal or personal advice… it’s our opinions and
intended for your personal entertainment only. You are solely responsible for
any actions you take and we’re not responsible for anything you decide to do
in your life.

Before you read any page beyond this one, you agree to the following:

“©2012, All Rights Reserved. You do not have permission to copy, distribute, sell, or
create derivative works from this book or our website without permission from A New
Mode, Inc. through express written permission from the authors, Eric Charles and
Sabrina Alexis. By reading any of the contents of this book beyond this page, you
agree to the following: You understand that the information contained on this page
and in this book is an opinion, and it should be used for personal entertainment
purposes only.

You are responsible for your own behavior, and none of this book is to be considered
legal or personal advice.”

Now let’s move on to the fun stuff…




Prologue ............................................................................ 1
Introduction ...................................................................... 4
CHAPTER 1: The Mindset And Behaviors That Kill A
Relationship .................................................................... 16
WHAT MEN CONSIDER NEEDY BEHAVIOR ........................................................................ 16
HOW NEEDINESS RUINS A RELATIONSHIP........................................................................ 21
HOW TO PREVENT NEEDINESS (AND BE THE WOMAN MEN CAN’T RESIST) ………….. 25
HOW TO REDEEM YOURSELF FROM NEEDY BEHAVIOR ................................................ 32
CHAPTER 2: When Seemingly Good Connection/
Relationship Goes Bad ..................................................... 38
WHY DIDN’T HE TEXT BACK? ............................................................................................... 38
WHY DIDN’T HE VANISH? ..................................................................................................... 45
WHEN A GUY ACTS DISTANT AND WITHDRAWS............................................................... 53
CHAPTER 3: When You Don’t Know How He Feels About
You .................................................................................. 64
HOW TO KNOW IF A GUY LIKES YOU .................................................................................. 64
HOW TO KNOW IF HE LOVES YOU ....................................................................................... 69
HOW TO KNOW IF HE’S PLAYING YOU AND/OR JUST WANTS SEX …………………………. 73
CHAPTER 4: When A Guy Won’t Put A Label (Or A Ring) On
It ...................................................................................... 81
WHEN A GUY WON’T CALL YOU HIS GIRLFRIEND............................................................ 82
WHEN HE WON’T COMMIT ON FACEBOOK ........................................................................ 93
WHEN HE ISN’T PROPOSING ................................................................................................ 95
CHAPTER 5: Dealing With A Guy With Baggage ............. 103
DEALING WITH A GUY WHO LOST HIS JOB ..................................................................... 103
DATING A GUY ON THE REBOUND .................................................................................... 107
DATING A GUY WITH “EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE” ............................................................... 113
WHEN TO WALK AWAY ......................................................................................................... 119
CHAPTER 6: How To Get Him To Treat You Better And
Value You More ............................................................. 122
A LITTLE APPRECATION GOES A LONG WAY ................................................................... 122
BE THE PRIZE AND HE WILL DO WHATEVER HE CAN TO WIN YOU OVER ……………. 128
BONUS FOOTAGE .......................................................... 135
Final Thoughts ............................................................... 136



FREE CHAPTER INTRO

i

FREE CHAPTER INTRO
From Sabrina
Once upon a time, long before A New Mode even existed, I was just
like you - an amazing woman with plenty to offer who just couldn’t
seem to get the love I wanted.
I wanted to have an amazing relationship with an amazing guy, a guy
who loved and appreciated me for exactly who I was, but it just never
panned out. It wasn’t that I couldn’t get a man; it was that I couldn’t
seem to make it stick. And even when I did find myself in a
relationship, I always felt like I was at the mercy of the guy, like the
relationship was a ticking time bomb and the slightest movement on
my part would set it off and send him running for cover.
I could never really enjoy my relationships because I was crippled by
the fear of everything coming apart.
The real kicker for me was when the guy who I considered to be the
love of my life left me for someone else. Not only that, this new girl
managed to turn him into the guy I always wanted him to be. With me
he was distant and confusing, giving me no comfort or security in the
relationship. Even though he was with me, I never felt like I had him. I
felt like he was always just beyond my grasp and could slip away at
any moment. With her, he was Mr. loving and affectionate. He
became official with her in a matter of weeks, he posted album after
album of the two of them on Facebook. With me it took six months to
get him to admit we were in an actual relationship, and being official
on Facebook was totally out of the question.
At the time it made zero sense to me. I was so good to him, so loving,
so kind, why wasn’t he that kind of guy when he was with me? Why



FREE CHAPTER INTRO

ii

wasn’t I worthy of his love in the same way she was? Was she better
than me? Prettier? Smarter?

The answer is no. The answer is something I didn’t discover until
much later. The problem wasn’t that I was unworthy of him, the
problem was I didn’t know I was worthy of having an amazing
relationship. Instead, I accepted whatever scraps he was willing to
give, and as a result, all I got were scraps.
This guy wasn’t the only one who broke my heart, there were others
who dented it along the way.
Time after time I just felt so helpless and confused. I just wanted to
understand what I was doing wrong and how I could attain a happy
relationship with a guy I could just be myself around. I felt so lost and
alone, two of the worst feelings there are in this life. I would buy
books on relationships and read any article I could get my hands on,
but the answers I was desperately seeking were never found.
What I didn't realize at the time was one fundamental secret about
how men operate, an understanding that put an end to my confusion
by making me realize that men really aren’t so complicated. From
there, relationships became easy, fun, and effortless. Once I spread
the gospel onto my friends and watched as their relationships
completely transformed as well.
My years of heartache instilled an overwhelming desire to create a
resource where women could get answers to all their dating
dilemmas. And not just any answers—real, honest, no-nonsense
answers that cut straight to the heart of the matter.
I teamed up with dating coach Eric Charles in 2008 to launch A New
Mode and within a few short months our readership exploded on
account of our relationship content.



FREE CHAPTER INTRO

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In time, we decided that blog articles wouldn’t be enough to help our
readers get the relationships they were seeking….we needed to get it
all down in a book so they could really learn the system inside out.
And this is how “He’s Not That Complicated: How to Crack a Man’s
Romantic Code to Get the Relationship you Want” was born.
With this book, our mission was to break down the most common
relationship issues and identify why they happen and how to avoid
them. When you understand how men operate and what a
relationship looks like from a male’s perspective, you will know
exactly how to get the relationship you’ve always wanted.
Without further adieu, I hope you enjoy this free chapter from the
book.



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CHAPTER 2: When a Seemingly Good
Connection/Relationship Goes Bad
“Before you fall in love, make sure there is someone there to catch
you.” – Anonymous
The most common types of questions boil down to amateur detective
work on why a guy didn’t do what the girl wanted him to do.
The questions take on different forms, but ultimately the pattern is
this: A girl likes a guy... he shows some kind of signal that he might
like her... a courtship of sorts ensues and things seem to be going
great, but then… he starts to withdraw. As soon as this happens, the
poor girl becomes overwhelmed with self-doubt and confusion about
the guy and might start chasing him and hunting him down to get
some answers…which causes him to withdraw even further.
The ultimate question comes down to this: "I thought he liked me,
what happened?"
We get flooded with e-mails about how some guy didn’t text back
or didn’t call or didn’t set his Facebook status to say “In a
relationship.” The majority of these issues could be resolved by doing
one simple thing: backing off. When you take a few steps backward, it
gives him the space to move a few steps forward and put forth a little
more effort to win you over. Keep going and you’ll see what we mean.
WHY DIDN’T HE TEXT BACK?
Using a guy’s text message habits as a litmus test for your
relationship status seems to be the norm these days (even though it’s
completely and utterly arbitrary, but we’ll get to that later).




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If a guy doesn’t text a girl back it’s usually for one of the following
reasons:
1. He’s not that into her
2. He’s busy
3. She’s being needy and he doesn’t want to deal with it
4. He didn’t have his phone nearby
5. He’s hanging out with another girl
First and foremost, do not try to fix the behavior with why didn’t
yous (Why didn’t you call? Why didn’t you tell me you might be late?
Why didn’t you text back sooner?), nothing along those lines! You
might think you’re drawing a line in the sand, but he sees it as
something else entirely: neediness.
Here are a few tips to help you keep a clear head and an objective
perspective if you find yourself in this sort of situation:
Examine the Circumstance
We live in an ADD culture and when a guy doesn’t text back
immediately, it’s most likely because he’s busy. Guys tend to be
single-minded in what they’re doing and tend to focus on meeting one
objective at a time. If a guy is busy, the last thing he wants is to be
interrupted over and over again with text messages and the burden of
having to respond right away. Usually, what started out as something
innocent (him being busy) turns into unnecessary drama (you
overreacting and seeing it as a sign that the relationship is in trouble).
Before you get all riled up about his texting habits and what it
means, examine the circumstances. If he disappears when you're in
the middle of making plans and things start to get complicated (you
say you’re busy this day, he’s busy on that day, you’re free after
eight, he can only do before seven), then he probably got distracted



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somewhere along the way and is directing his attention elsewhere. It
doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to see you; he was probably in the
middle of something else and planned on getting back to you when
he could focus and didn’t feel the need to text further at that exact
moment since you guys were going around in circles anyway.
He may also go silent if you’re having one of those texting-but-not-
talking-about-anything
conversations
(How are
you?...Good,
you?...Good, work is stressing me out…Same, today has been non-
stop…Same here…). Guys are very goal-oriented and oftentimes
they’ll just get distracted and not feel the need to text further unless
it’s for a specific purpose.
Men are not women, shocking right? While most women can
effectively juggle a minimum of five things at a time, men have
enough trouble focusing on one thing at a time. Just because texting
while you’re in the middle of a million other things comes easily to you
doesn’t mean it’s the same for him. Women are naturally good at
multi-tasking; most men are not. Remember this and cut him some
slack when he takes longer than you would to respond.
We can never really know what’s going on in someone else’s
head. When it comes to this whole texting issue (and by the way,
most guys have no idea how crazy this whole texting/calling regularly
thing is for girls, none!), trying to get to the why is an exercise in
futility. A much more effective use of your time is to focus on how you
react to the situation.
The Best Reaction Is No Reaction
When you stop reacting to things automatically, you gain awareness
of the situation. You will stop getting lost in emotions that don’t help
you and will gain a clearer perspective on the best way to respond (if
the situation even warrants a response). When you are unreactive,
you get to choose the best move. When you are able to see things



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from a more objective standpoint, you’ll realize that him not texting
you back promptly isn’t that big of a deal.
Rather than getting consumed with fury when he takes a while to
respond, just shift your focus and do something else. And whatever
you do, don’t wait on him. People tend to see how much they can get
away with. If you’re always available to a guy, he’ll treat you like an
option rather than a priority. If you are selectively available and only
act as accommodating as he is to you, you will get the respect and
“good behavior” you’re looking for.
This isn’t just a guy thing, it’s a human thing – we value only what
we have to work for. Or, put differently, we value the things that aren’t
guaranteed or freely available to us unless we earn them.
When trying to figure out the appropriate response to certain
situations, it’s helpful to think about the way you interact with your
friends. If you text one of your friends asking what she’s up to that
night and don’t hear back from her for a few hours, do you go into
panic mode and assume she no longer cares about you? Do you
analyze the last text you sent her, searching for hidden clues to tell
you what you did wrong? Do you feel angry and throw your hands up
with an exasperated I just don’t get it!? Probably not. Chances are
you don’t even notice how long she takes to answer your text. And if
you do, you probably assume she’s busy or doesn’t have her phone
handy.
Wouldn’t life be so much easier if you could respond in the same
calm and collected manner when a guy you like takes a while to text
back? Well then there you go! The choice is up to you.

Remember, this doesn’t make you a pushover or a doormat. It
makes you a confident woman who doesn’t need a guy to text her
every five minutes in order to know he really cares about her.



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Assume He Likes You
If you assume he likes you, you remove the fear and the anxiety that
stems from this whole “why didn’t he text me back?” conundrum. He
likes you. You know he does (or at least, you’re doing a good job
convincing yourself he does!), so what is there to worry about?
People who assume other people like them are more likable. The
same is true for people who assume others don’t like them: if you
believe you are unlikable, people will be more likely to dislike you.
Sure, it may seem a little delusional to force yourself into believing
the other person feels the way you want them to feel, but the truth is
that we do it all the time anyway. The trouble is most people
automatically assume the worst and look for signs that point to the
outcome they don’t want. If you’re going to make any assumptions,
you may as well go with the one that serves you instead of one that
guarantees failure.
Be Complete
One of the best things you can do is make sure that you have a full
and enjoyable life. When your life is meaningful and full of friends,
fun, and fulfillment, you won’t fall into the trap of obsessing when that
next text is going to come or if he called or not; you’ll be too busy
enjoying the rest of your life.
If you are smothering a guy with needing him to reassure you and
text you back constantly, you will drive him away. The right move in
this situation is to back off, keep your life filled with fun and exciting
options, and give him space to put in the effort and pursue you. This
isn’t being manipulative – guys actually like to pursue women (to a
point) and they appreciate having the space to do so.




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What It Looks Like
Marissa and Luke had been seeing each other for a few months and
while things were going well, Marissa was growing increasingly
frustrated by Luke’s texting habits.
Luke would often go MIA when they were in the middle of making
plans and while she often accommodated his flakiness, she was
getting sick of telling her friends, “Oh, I can’t commit to anything this
weekend because I might have plans with Luke, still waiting to hear
back…” She called him out on it a few times and while he would
apologize for “leaving her hanging,” the problem persisted.
Luke was simply a bad texter, some people are just born that way.
He didn’t mean to do it; he wasn’t intentionally trying to piss her off;
he just didn’t have any sort of substantial motivation to change this
ingrained behavior. By waiting around for him to respond and being
so accommodating to his schedule, Marissa was perpetuating the
very problem she was so steadfastly fighting against.
Eventually, Marissa decided enough was enough. One week she
made tentative plans with Luke to do something that coming
Saturday. True to form, he didn’t finalize anything and simply stopped
texting after they decided “maybe we’ll do something on Saturday.”
Marissa knew if she pressed him to make a definite plan he would
just give her vague answers (“I may have to work, I’ll let you know,”
“My friend might be coming to town, not sure yet, I’ll keep you
posted”), so when he didn’t lock down something by the end of the
week, she made other plans. That Saturday, Luke texted her at
around 5 p.m. asking what time they were meeting and was stunned
when she said she couldn’t see him because she made plans with
her girlfriends.
“What do you mean you have other plans? We were supposed to
do something tonight.”



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“Well you said you might be free, but we never decided on
anything concrete, so I assumed it was a no go. So sorry for the mix
up, have a fun night!”
Luke stayed home that night twiddling his thumbs and torturing
himself with thoughts of how many guys were hitting on his girl at that
exact moment. From then on, he never left her hanging and was sure
to make definite plans in advance.
When He Goes from Texting A Lot…to Nothing
There are some situations where a guy is a horrible texter from the
start (like Luke), and other cases where his texting habits slowly
disintegrate over time. In the beginning, he’s a texting machine. After
a month or two, not so much. He’ll text here and there, but nowhere
near his texting glory days.
The problem is not that you are doing something inherently wrong
to cause him to text less frequently. The problem is that it’s not
sustainable. Texting constantly is—to put it bluntly—a pain in the rear
for most guys.
In the beginning of a relationship, it’s natural for the guy to try to
win you over and to do whatever he can to keep your attention on
him. And what better way to insert himself into your mind than by
texting you throughout the day? Once things are a bit more
established, he may not feel the need to do this anymore. Also, it’s
not a realistic, sustainable habit to be constantly texting little
messages all day.
Guys, lovable as they can be, usually like to use the phone to
make a plan and that’s it. They don’t like chitchat if it’s not towards a
purpose; it’s just not how they’re wired.
A big mistake many women make is assuming the guy no longer
feels as strongly for her because he texts less frequently. Texting isn’t



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a barometer for the relationship. The time you spend together, and
how meaningful and enjoyable it is, counts much more than the
amount of time that has elapsed since his last text.
Instead of counting the texts and analyzing the emoticons, put
your focus on creating a life that is fulfilling outside of the relationship
and a connection that is meaningful within the relationship.
WHY DID HE VANISH?
Now this is a frustrating situation if ever there was one. You’re seeing
a guy, you think things are rolling right along splendidly, and then
suddenly he’s gone, vanished without a trace. You consider for a
moment if he might be dead or in a coma, but you notice there has
been activity on his Facebook page, so that’s not it. He has just
suddenly and abruptly decided he no longer wants to see you and
you’re left trying to figure out why.
At the end of the day, you don’t know why and there is no way
you’ll be able to know for sure. And frankly, it would be a waste of
time to try and play detective. There’s no benefit to putting yourself
through that agony.
It really doesn’t matter why he vanished or what, if anything, broke
the camel’s back. The bigger issue here is your emotional state.
You’re confused, you’re worried, you’re upset. You’re racking your
brain trying to pinpoint the moment it all went wrong. You examine all
the possibilities. Is it something I said? Something I did? Something I
didn’t do? These emotions are all understandable when someone you
care about disappears.
The Most Likely Reason…
While every situation is different, these disappearing acts usually
occur because the guy feels trapped or freaked out by the
relationship and finds it easier to just remove himself entirely instead



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of looking you in the face and telling you why he doesn’t want to be
with you (does anyone, guy or girl, ever really want to have that
conversation? Yes it’s the more dignified approach, but it’s also the
more torturous!).
This sort of thing doesn’t usually boil down to one particular thing
you said or did. It’s probably rooted in an overall vibe that you’re
conveying, and that vibe would be none other than our dear friend
neediness. If you are absolutely positive that you did not send out any
“needy” signals and you were as cool and confident as can be, then
he probably has a wife and kids somewhere, or maybe he did lapse
into a coma. It’s always one of those three.
Guys aren’t anti-relationship. A guy will happily hop into a
relationship with a woman who brings out the best in him and makes
him feel great about who he is and what he has to offer. If you
communicate, even in the slightest way, that a relationship with him is
going to be some kind of life preserver or crutch for your emotional
stability, he will definitely not want to pursue a relationship with you.
His reasoning will most likely be that he’s got enough problems of his
own to deal with and the last thing he needs is to take on someone
else’s.
The best thing you can do is work on yourself and focus on
becoming the best version of you. Be the kind of girl that no man
would ever dream of leaving without an explanation, or leaving
period.
When a Guy Vanishes After a Great First Date
While not quite as tormenting as when a guy you’ve been seeing
pulls a vanishing act, a guy disappearing after an amazing first date is
equally puzzling and can do a number on your self-esteem.
There are a few possible reasons why a guy might fade into the
abyss after a seemingly wonderful first date. Either he wasn’t that into



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you and was just being polite throughout the date, was primarily
trying to get laid and decided not to push it any further when you
didn’t put out that night, or he didn’t think you were that into him.
Possibility #1: He’s not that into you
For whatever reason, he may just not be into you. Sometimes the
chemistry just isn’t there, it happens. There is also a possibility that
you came across as alarmingly eager. Interest and enthusiasm are
not the same as over-eagerness. If he feels that you’re unjustifiably
eager, he may want to get out of the situation as quickly as possible.
On a first date, a guy can usually piece together whether dating
you is going to be more of a liability than a good thing for him. He
asks about yourself, he gets a sense of how much you enjoy your life
and what you do to fill your time. If you pretty much don’t enjoy
anything (you don’t really like your friends anymore, you don’t like
your job, you don’t like your lifestyle), then he is most likely going to
avoid dating you because he doesn’t want to be the guy who has to
perk you up.
On the other end of the spectrum, talking endlessly about how
great your life is reeks of the same emotional baggage. Bragging
conveys that you have something to prove and that you’re trying to
impress him. You don’t have to tell him about how many guys hit on
you when you go out, or how your ex is still so obsessed with you, or
how you are the most important person at your job, or how you have
the coolest life anyone can imagine. If you carry yourself with
confidence, he will assume these things all on his own and then he
will be the one trying to win you over.
When you make a strong case for your awesomeness, all he’ll see
is your insecurities and no guy wants to deal with that. Next time you
find yourself asserting your “greatness,” take a step back and
remember this phrase: A rich man doesn’t need to tell you he’s rich.



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Suggestion: A useful concept to keep in mind is the self-fulfilling
prophecy — that which we believe (or fear) tends to come true when
it is focused on earnestly. This concept can have a positive or
negative effect on a person’s life, depending on whether they
habitually focus on positive outcomes or negative outcomes. If you go
into a date full of fear of rejection, you are setting yourself up to get
rejected. If you go in with confidence, truly believing this guy will be
powerless against your charm and endless virtues, then you pretty
much guarantee a second date before you even start the first one.
Possibility #2: He doesn’t think you’re into him
Guys can be somewhat uneasy when they first meet a woman. It
varies from guy to guy (and also depends on how many women he’s
dated), but sometimes it takes a bright blinking neon sign in order for
a guy to know that a woman likes him. As guys get more experienced
with women, they generally know that their best bet is to assume the
woman is interested in them and act accordingly (respectfully, of
course). However, not all guys come from this place of internal
validation and they may look to the woman for signs that indicate
she’s attracted. If she is guarded, playing hard-to-get, or just not a
very expressive type of person, he may interpret her behavior as
meaning she’s not feeling him.
Here are a few things that a woman might do unconsciously
during a date that signal to a guy she’s not interested:
-Texting or talking on the phone during a date. (If you genuinely have
to and you’re apologetic, that’s fine. Otherwise, red flag.)
-Not smiling.
-Not really participating in the conversation. He talks and you respond
with something minimal in an indifferent tone.
-Actively showing disinterest in talking to him – paying attention to



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other things happening in the room, checking the time, checking for
the waiter to hurry up and bring the bill.
Confusing Situation Decoded
You go on a date with a guy who not only seemed really interested,
but actually said, “I’m really into you”…and never hear from him again
(or worse, receive an e-mail from him apologizing and saying he
didn’t feel a “spark”). You feel utterly confused by this, especially
since he poured it on so thick, telling you how beautiful/amazing
/smart/incredible/fabulous you are and even ending the date with a
passionate kiss. No spark?!
The most likely explanation here is that during the date, the guy,
for whatever reason, decided that you weren’t the kind of girl he could
see himself with. However, he still finds you sexy and his feelings of
attraction may overpower the logical side of his brain, hence the
sweet nothings. To put it bluntly, he'd be up for having sex with you,
but not into having a boyfriend-girlfriend type of relationship with you
(which is what he believes you want).
This scenario is one of the main reasons women are warned so
heavily against sleeping with a guy on the first date. If you sleep with
this kind of guy, he’ll never call again and if you don’t sleep with him,
he’ll also (most likely) never call again. The moral of the story? Ignore
the kisses and compliments and hone in on the actual person.
Cheat Sheet
On a first date, it’s always best to show interest without seeming over
eager. If it sounds confusing, here are some quick tips to get it right:
Do: Listen to him, make eye contact, keep your phone tucked away
(and if you must check it, do so when you take a bathroom break),
ask questions, smile, laugh when he says something funny (or
something he thinks is funny), find subtle ways to touch him.



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Don’t: Hang on every single word like a love struck Romeo, agree
with everything he says even if you don’t actually agree, brag about
yourself, complain about your life, talk about your exes, ask when
you’re going to see him again, ask him what he’s looking for
relationship-wise, be too aggressive, throw yourself at him.
When A Guy Vanishes Before A Great First Date
You meet a guy—maybe it’s at a bar, a coffee shop, bookstore,
wherever, and it just clicks. You talk about hanging out sometime,
swap digits, he says he’ll call…and he never does. Now you’re really
flippin’ confused. How can he dump you before taking you out on one
stinkin’ date?
This premature vanishing act can occur for a million reasons. You
never really know with strangers; he might be married with kids or a
serial killer on the loose. He may have chickened out or maybe he
forgot about you (this is usually the case if you met at a dark bar
during the wee hours).
You can never really know with absolute certainty why a guy never
called, but we can give you helpful pointers to up your odds and help
you become more call-able.
The best way to pique a man’s interest is to be confident, open,
friendly, and able to hold your own in a conversation. Talk to him like
you already know him (as opposed to awkward, interview-like, stilted
bar conversation). This establishes a connection and comfort level
and reduces the risk of him chickening out on making the phone call.
Here are a few more handy pointers:
1. Have him picture you hanging out together
This is a great psychological trick. When you’re talking to a guy that
you’re digging, try to maneuver the conversation toward things you
two could do together. Most importantly, get him to picture doing



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whatever this thing is together with you. It doesn’t matter what it is—
cooking, grocery shopping, rock climbing, playing Wii Tennis. If he is
able to picture the two of you having fun hanging out in the future, it is
much more likely to happen.
Having someone picture hanging out with you in the future and
having fun makes them feel comfortable with the idea, like it’s already
happened. Remember, don’t force things along (unless you’re
incredibly skillful in conversation), just work it in naturally and gently.
2. Don’t be afraid to be challenging and/or tease him a bit
Most men would agree that the women who make the biggest
impression are the ones who challenge them in some way.
Sometimes they’re challenging by teasing a bit. Sometimes they’re
challenging by not going along with everything he’s saying.
Sometimes they’re challenging by calling him out on his B.S.
When a woman is challenging, in addition to being interesting and
fun, it’s an irresistible combination. Being challenging without any
other qualities, however, is just plain annoying. When you can mix in
a little bit of challenge in addition to your normal charming disposition,
you’ll find that a little push goes a long way.
A lot of women misinterpret this to mean being difficult, bitchy, or
contrarian. That is not what we recommend. The simple trick here is
to act like a complete equal who can expand and deepen his
experience of life because you don't just go along with everything he
says and everything he does. If you do agree with him or want to go
along with him on something, by all means do! It would be silly to put
up static against what you do want.
Don’t be afraid to voice your true feelings and true opinions for fear
that the guy will reject you. In reality, this kind of honesty will only
deepen your relationship with him (and his respect and attraction
towards you).



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3. Enjoy the conversation for what it is
Girls who have experienced this sort of disappearing act many times
before may end up developing a complex around it, telling
themselves things like, “All the guys I actually like never call me back”
or, “Guys never call me, what am I doing to scare them away?” This
automatically poisons their interactions with men because they will be
coming from a place of fear and, you guessed it, neediness.
If you go into a conversation fearing that a guy won’t do something
that you want him to do, you are bringing neediness into the
interaction. That is, you need him to act a certain way otherwise you’ll
feel worried/upset/sad/insecure.
Neediness is one of those vibes that just repels people, even if it
doesn’t manifest in an outwardly obvious way. Neediness from a guy
is just as repulsive to a girl as neediness from a girl is to a guy. Think
about the guys who go out of their way to impress you before they
even really know you. Does this make you feel special? Probably not,
it probably creeps you out.
So what’s the solution? Enjoy the conversation for what it is. Put
your best self forward and if you like him, try to set the stage for a
date.
4. Assume he’s going to call
No matter what, assume he’s going to call from the start of the
interaction and stick to that assumption! Don’t try to get him to give
you this assurance by saying something desperate like, “Are you sure
you’re gonna call? You promise? You pinky promise?" And don’t
think you’re being stealthy by hiding your desperation under a cloak
of flirtation with something like, “I bet you always hit on girls and say
you’ll call you sneaky little stud you.”
No matter how you phrase it, if you try to get some sort of



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guarantee that he’s going to call, you’re telling him that you’re
insecure and don’t think you’re good enough for him to call. If you
don’t think that about yourself, why should he?
5. Let it be
Once you’ve done all that… that’s it. Women set the stage for future
heartache (and a whopping headache) when they analyze and
obsess over the details. If you don’t hear from him and you did
everything we mentioned above, then there were extenuating
circumstances that had nothing to do with you (the wife, the kids, the
cops on his tail).
Your only option at this point is to take a step back and swallow a
giant chill pill. Maybe do some yoga, practice meditating, hang out
with friends, any distraction is good because the thinking and
obsessing will only cause more problems down the road.
WHEN A GUY ACTS DISTANT AND WITHDRAWS
Before a guy vanishes, there is often a period of withdrawal. Only he
doesn’t seem to experience any withdrawal symptoms. No those are
reserved for you (nausea, stomach pains, anxiety, sweaty palms,
insomnia). Yes, as he withdraws, you go further into withdrawal. You
are a junkie and he is slowly weaning you off the drug known on the
streets as Him.
This is a critical time when the fate of your relationship is almost
entirely under your control.
When a guy pulls back, the curtains open, the spotlight is on and
it’s shining right down on you. How you react tells him exactly who
you are and what kind of girl you will be in a relationship. It might not
be true, but it feels pretty darn true to him so he’ll back off, more and
more.



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The way you react to him pulling away speaks volumes and is the
deciding vote in whether or not this relationship will survive. You are
down to your final question and your lifelines have all been used up.
Are you sure you want to choose that reaction?
Now to be clear, we do not advocate intentionally manipulating
your behavior for the sole purpose of getting the guy, that’s just
neediness all dressed up. No, if you’re going to survive this inevitable
relationship hurdle, you need to genuinely be in the right place
emotionally.
When a guy starts to pull away, a lot of women hit the rewind
button in their minds and think back to a happier time—the beginning.
He liked me so much at first, I don’t get it! He told me I was beautiful,
that he had never ever met anyone like me, that I was the most
magnificent creature to ever walk the earth. Why is he doing this?!
Why???!!!
We’re gonna get to all of that, but first let’s talk about the things
guys say in the beginning of a relationship because this really seems
to trip up most women.
“But he was so sweet in the beginning, was it a lie?”
When a guy says things like, “I’ve never liked a girl so much so soon,”
or texts you saying he misses you when you barely know each other,
he is not making a declaration of everlasting, undying love for you. He
is just saying that at that moment, he feels good about you. However,
all emotions are subject to change. Statements like this should be
enjoyed, but taken with a grain of salt and not treated as milestones
or markers of the quality of your relationship. Not in the beginning, at
least.
The things a guy says in the early stages of a relationship are also
often rooted in his own insecurity. That may be hard to believe, but
it’s true. He doesn’t know whether or not you actually like him or if



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you are attracted to him, so he may throw things out there just to see
how you respond and to get a read on the relationship potential.
Everyone wants to be liked; it’s a great feeling for both guys and girls.
However, it’s important to keep in mind that all that mushy stuff he
piles on in the beginning is primarily his way of hooking you in and
seeing where you stand, not necessarily his way of expressing his
feelings.
It’s not that he doesn’t feel anything for you or that he won’t feel
anything for you, but at this early phase, it’s all just poetry. It will be
real when both of you are convinced that you like each other and you
are both able to drop your guards and get to know each other on a
more real and personal level, one that doesn’t involve reading the
proverbial signs.
When he feels that there is a real connection between the two of
you, when he knows that you like him back and you both enjoy your
time together, that is when things will take on a more meaningful
shape.
When the Sweet Talk Stops
He’s being all sweet and it’s working, you start to really like him… and
then there’s a palpable shift. This is usually the point where the guy
realizes that you really like him, he has you, and he doesn’t have to
worry whether or not he could lose you anymore. Things are probably
starting to get comfortable—you make plans regularly, you’re in
contact more frequently, and a relationship seems just around the
corner.
While you might start getting really excited by this prospect, this
particular guy has probably gotten freaked out. At this point, he’s
afraid everything he said in the beginning led you to believe that you
guys are a couple. As a reaction to this fear, he may start acting out
to show you that this is not the case. He cancels plans, he goes MIA



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for days at a time, he acts distant when you guys do speak or hang
out. You feel overwhelmed by confusion and yearn for things to go
back to the way they were.
At the root of it, the same sense of insecurity that made him
obsessed with finding out if you like him is now scaring him into
thinking that you’re going to take his freedom away. This is a guy
thing; he might be completely faithful to you in every way, but he still
wants to feel like he can do whatever he wants. What may seem like
a sudden loss of interest is really just his way of holding onto his
freedom. It doesn’t mean he’s not into you anymore; the reason he’ll
send those sweet texts from time to time is to make sure you know
he’s still interested. His behavior is really his way of trying to slow
things down. The way you respond determines whether they ever
pick back up.
The Freak Out Phase
The Freak Out Phase usually occurs after a relationship hits some
sort of milestone. This can be something substantial, like becoming
“official,” or something subtle, like a sense that the relationship is
deepening. As soon as this happens, an alarm bell may go off in a
man’s mind, scaring him into thinking that he’s about to lose his
freedom and independence. As a reaction, he may withdraw a bit.
The way you respond during this time is critical.
If you start getting on his case (Why didn’t you call? Where have
you been? Why are you being so shady?), he will start to feel trapped
and suffocated and will pull away even more. If you keep badgering
him, he will no longer see you as a prize he needs to win over, he will
see you as a desperate and clingy pest.
When you take his actions personally and assume he’s
withdrawing because of something you said or did, you will start
acting all needy and insecure, suffocating the guy with your fears and



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concerns. When this happens, his mind goes, SEE!! I told you you're
losing your freedom! Look at how she's all on top of you now! Not
giving you even an ounce of space or freedom for yourself! Run
Forrest, run!
When a guy asks for space, this is what usually happens:
1. Guy, for whatever reason, feels emotionally unbalanced. This
could stem from feeling pressured, fear of commitment, or any
number of reasons, but something is causing him to feel a little
“freaked.”
2. Guy feels he needs to handle his issue and thinks that having girl
around will make it much harder for him to figure things out.

3. Guy tells girl he needs space.
4. Girl gives him space, but then starts thinking about what she could
have done wrong and tries to figure out what sparked this sudden
need for space.
5. Girl’s thinking quickly becomes coated with tremendous insecurity,
fear of abandonment, jealousy, a feeling that she screwed up
somehow, or that she wasn’t good enough.
6. Girl works herself into such an emotional wreck that she can’t help
herself from contacting the guy, hoping to receive reassurance or
validation while trying to force things to go back to the way they were
pre-freak-out.

7. Guy feels pressured and interrupted, which makes him more
emotionally unstable and makes it harder to handle his issues.

8. Guy pulls back further, girl sees this as further confirmation that
everything she was fearing is true.



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9. Cycle continues, repeat steps 7, 8 and 9 indefinitely.
A guy can withdraw for any number of reasons and it isn’t a
phenomenon exclusive to the early stages of a relationship. Guys
may also take a step back when they feel that something is wrong in
the relationship and they want to get a handle on how they feel about
it on their own. What they don’t want is someone hounding them to
explain their feelings and actions, especially since they’re not clear on
these things themselves.
Or maybe there’s nothing going on upstairs and he’s just testing
the waters before he emotionally invests himself further…
The Testing Phase
What many people refer to as the “Testing Phase” is actually more
like “the guy showing his true self to see how you will react phase.”
Realistically, a guy isn’t always going to act the way he did in the very
beginning. In the beginning, he’s trying to win you over. He calls you
every day, he takes you out to nice places, and when he’s with you
his focus is fully on you. However, this can’t go on forever. There will
be times when he can’t constantly check in and eventually, he’s going
to have to devote energy and effort to areas in his life outside of you.
What may feel like a test or a withdrawal is often just him being his
normal self. The way you respond is vital if you want the relationship
to live to see another day. If you instantly pounce on him when he
takes a while to text back, he may see it as a taste of worse things to
come, of more constant questions, of more demands he has to fulfill,
and he will head for the hills. If you freak out when he turns his head
to look at a pretty girl or if he has a conversation with a female other
than you, he’ll see you as insecure (and a little crazy) and there is
nothing that turns a man off faster than that (actually neediness can,
but neediness and insecurity go hand in hand).



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The best way for a guy to determine if he wants to be with a
particular woman is to see how she reacts when she doesn’t get what
she wants. Think about it, it’s easy to be with a woman when she’s
happy and when you’re doing everything she wants. But that’s not
always possible; every man knows that sooner or later the woman is
going to be unhappy with something he says or does. For a man, it’s
better to know how she’ll react to these things before he gets in too
deep.
When a guy “tests” you, he’s really looking to see how secure you
are and how well you can handle yourself and your emotions. If you
lose control, you will confirm his preconceived notion that all women
are crazy and too emotional. Keep your cool and handle yourself with
dignity and he will think he has finally found the diamond in the rough.
At last! A woman who will let me breathe! I’m hanging onto this one
and never letting go!
It may seem childish or unfair, but before you rage against the
whole system, remember that women also have their way of testing
men. We may complain about it, but when you get to the heart of it,
testing is a good thing. Testing is how we protect ourselves from
long-term heartache and eventual heartbreak.
If a girl is too insecure to handle having to wait for a text or her guy
glancing over at another woman, then she's really not ready for a
long-term relationship anyway, plain and simple.
An Important Clarification on Testing
Many women hear about men "testing" women in relationship and get
this idea that men are intentionally doing and saying things to test a
woman's response. This is not the case. Men don’t seek out ways to
cause drama and promote game playing. A man's ideal world is a
world with no drama and no problems.




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The reality is that men are just going along being themselves and
when a girl reacts with drama and turmoil, they notice it. Men can't
help but take note and remember these things. Guys are typically
pretty understanding; they understand that everyone has the
occasional bad day. But when they see a pattern of drama,
neediness, or insecurity, it becomes a huge red flag. This is all picked
up subconsciously; it's not that men are intentionally testing women,
it's just that men can't help but pick up on, and remember, bad
reactions.
The Post-Coital Test
The way you behave after you sleep with a guy for the first time is the
biggest “test” of all, so if you want this relationship to work, you best
not screw it up!
After you sleep with a guy, he will often assume that you’re going
to get attached and want to be his girlfriend, like, yesterday. It's a
powerful stereotype that isn't going anywhere anytime soon, sorry.
Again, it comes down to being cool, collected, and confident. Do
not start having visions of the future; stop planning those couples
vacations in your mind; stop thinking of all the fun things you and your
new boyfriend are gonna do. Why stop? Because he's not your
boyfriend yet!
If you guys are official before you seal the deal in the biblical
sense, then just move along at the same pace as before. Don’t
assume everything is different now because in his mind it isn’t, he’s
just so terrified that it is in your mind. After you sleep with a guy for
the first time, he turns into a teeny tiny mouse; even the slightest
most minute thing can send him scurrying off to vanish into the
nearest hiding place until it’s safe to come out.
Remember, play it cool. Act as if everything is the same and do
not press him for any sort of reassurance. If he backs off, do not freak



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out. He did not use you, he wasn’t only looking to get laid, he isn’t
backing off because he no longer cares. Pulling back a bit might not
even be a conscious decision on his part, it may be a manifestation of
society’s notion that all women turn into clingy crazies after they do
the deed and he might unconsciously be trying to see if it’s true. Keep
your cool and he will know you’re a keeper.
Just to clarify, a relationship certainly can deepen after sex,
especially if you wait until you’ve established a solid connection with
your partner. It really varies from one couple to the next, but for all
intents and purposes, it’s best to not over-dramatize things and keep
moving along at the same pace. If there has been a real shift in the
dynamic of the relationship, you will both feel it and the level of
commitment and intimacy will intensify organically.
The Proof is in the Science
A study conducted on a college campus to understand gender
preferences when it comes to dating versus casual hookups can
better elucidate how men and women typically react after getting
physical. Overall, researchers found that men and women prefer
traditional dating over random hookups and both genders were in
accord on the benefits and risks of dating and hooking up.
However, there were some notable differences:
 Women more than men seem to want a relationship. Women
fear, both in dating and hooking up, that they will become
emotionally attached to a partner who is not interested in them.
 Men more than women seem to value independence. Men fear
that even in hooking-up relationships, which are supposed to be
free of commitments, a woman might seek to establish a
relationship.




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Fun Fact: The fears men have about women wanting a relationship
right away aren’t fully unwarranted. There are biological reasons why
women become more emotionally attached to their lovers than men
do. Studies conducted to better understand romantic attachment
discovered that orgasms cause both oxytocin and vasopressin to be
released from the hypothalamus (the part of the brain that is
responsible for pleasure and mating).
Although the two neuropeptides associated with continued
attachment are secreted in both men and women, oxytocin and
vasopressin have a stronger influence on women. What this means is
women, much more than men, will get that warm and fuzzy feeling
and feel a deep connection to their partner as a result. If you notice
your feelings for him have suddenly changed while in a state of post-
coital bliss, remember that this “connection” you feel is just an
illusion, or rather, the crafty work of some feel-good hormones!
How to Get Through the Tests and Freak Outs
Surviving the “Freak Out” or “Testing” phases is pretty simple: just
play it cool.
Guys want to keep the drama in their lives to a minimum. When a
girl starts making a guy’s life more uncomfortable, less fun, less
enjoyable than before, he’ll try to get away from her as quickly as
possible. You don’t want to be the crazy lady he’s running away from,
you want to be the awesome girl he can’t stop himself from moving
closer to, and you can be!
There is nothing more appealing than a confident, happy, self-
fulfilled woman. Ask any guy and he’ll agree that this sort of a woman
is the ultimate dream girl. Unfortunately, such a woman can be very
hard to find. This is why it is so unbelievably important to find
happiness within yourself before you jump into a relationship. If a guy
knows that you don’t need him in order to be happy, he won’t be



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afraid that being with you will mark the end of his days as a free man.
If he sees that you have your own life and enjoy doing your own
thing, he’ll know that you won’t cause a fuss if he does the same.
Remember, a guy is only as invested in you as the effort he puts
into the relationship. If he’s not putting forth effort, he’s not investing
in the relationship. So don’t try to push him to do anything – live your
life and give him the space to come to you. If he does, great, he’s
further invested. If he doesn’t, well as they say, there are plenty more
fish in the sea. Either way, that’s much better than pushing on him,
him pulling away, and you smothering the life out of the relationship.
The results can be pretty astounding. If you just back off a bit and
let it be, he will suddenly go from mixed-signal-sending-jerk to knight
in shining armor. If you don’t believe us, give it a try.




FREE CHAPTER OUTRO

iv

FREE CHAPTER OUTRO
From Sabrina
Like what you just read? Well there’s plenty more where that came
from, five more chapters to be exact, plus an entertaining
introduction, bonus footage, and some final thoughts that will help
you move on from the relationship woes of your past and into a better
and brighter future, one where you can easily and effortlessly get the
love you’ve always wanted.
The reason you subscribed to our mailing list and read this free
chapter is because you want to understand men and have a happy,
fulfilling, amazing relationship with a man who respects and
appreciates everything about you. And you want to do it by being
yourself, not turning yourself into some stereotypical version of what
you think men want.
The remaining chapters of the book delve deep into the following
areas:
- The kinds of behaviors that push men away…. And what draws
them in and makes them never want to leave your side.
- How to know beyond a shadow of a doubt if a guy likes or loves
you
- The real reason men are resistant to commitment and marriage
(forget what you've been told, it's not what you think!)
- How to get him to be more attentive and romantic….and how to
do it in a way that makes him want to give you everything and
be the best partner possible
- What mean really want from a relationship (it’s not the same
thing that women want)
- How to reach him deeply, even if he's withdrawing, acting
distant, or you think it's too late



FREE CHAPTER OUTRO

v

- Why guys keep you waiting by the phone…and how to
guarantee he calls or texts promptly
- ….and pretty much everything you’ve ever wanted to know
about men and relationships.

If you read our entire book, you can have that and more. You can be
the woman who gets the amazing guy and keeps him captivated and
you can do it by being yourself.
Our goal in writing this book was two-fold:
- We wanted to help you understand how men think so you can
be done with the days of banging your head against the table
and analyzing what he said and what it means
- We wanted you to get what you deserve- a loving, mutually
fulfilling relationship with a man who adores you.

With our articles, we’ve given you bite-sized pieces to build a better
relationship. With the book, we’ve put all the pieces into place and
map out a full picture of what you need to know and what you need to
do to get the relationship you want, ASAP!
The best part? It really isn’t that complicated to have these things.
Once you know how men operate, you’ll understand exactly where
you’ve gone wrong in the past and will know how to be the kind of
woman who gets and keeps the guy, without any stress, worry, fear,
or endless hours of analyzing his behavior with your girlfriends.
If you read the full book, you will have complete clarity over your
current relationship issues as well as past relationships that left you
devastated and thoroughly confused. You will also gain confidence in
yourself, you will learn to see what it is you have to offer and how to
use those assets to their fullest potential so you can get everything
you’ve ever wanted out of life, not to mention, out of your
relationships.



FREE CHAPTER OUTRO

vi

But don’t just listen to me. Here are reviews from girls who have read
the book:
Reader Reviews:
Just finished your book, loved it and felt it was worth every penny and
more....to the ANM audience that hasn't purchased this yet, I highly
recommend it! There's a lot of info that has been broken down in
easy to read format with cheat sheets for go-to reference. If you're
like me, you won't be able to put this down from start to finish. Now I
feel like I have a better focus and more clearly defined purpose into
the type of relationship I've always wanted to have.....I knew the two
of you wouldn't disappoint.
– Joanne
Just wanted to congratulate you guys on this great book. There were
a lot of "Oh my god! This was exactly what I did!" and "Dear god, I
wish I had known all of this sooner!" moments. Like your articles on
ANM, this book is very VERY helpful. I've learned a lot and I am
certain I'll be able to apply everything I've learned from you guys in
my next relationship. Thank you guys. You both rock!
– Ika Koeck
So finally I read your book and I have to say it is brilliant and to the
point. I read it in one sitting because I couldn't put it down. You
systematically addressed all the most crucial issues and laid it out
clearly and concisely. I hope there will be another in the future!
– Dolores
Reading this book has changed my life. No joke! It was eye-opening
in so many ways. I was able to pinpoint exactly where things have
gone wrong in all my past relationships. At times it made me feel
foolish because I realized I was making the same mistakes over and
over. However, I finally have answers. I don’t have that “what
happened?!” feelings anymore. I know I’ll be rereading this again and
again.



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– Brittany
Put simply … thank you! This book has been enlightening and most
importantly explains why people think or react in a certain way. The
‘final thoughts’ page perfectly sums up how I feel … ready to close
the past and excited to look to the future with a whole new, far less
complicated, outlook.
– Donna
I love how this book is different from many relationship books out
there, it does give you the knowledge and understanding, not just
some clichés and bitchy advice. Unlike others it does not teach you to
play some kind of role, manipulate, or change yourself completely to
get what you want. It teaches you to understand men and maybe
even more importantly, yourself. I would say one just needs an open
mind, happy attitude, and this book to find the love they want.
– Lana
I bought the book last night and I could not put it down. I seriously
read the whole thing in one sitting!! I loved it, this is probably the best
advice I have ever read from a dating book. You have certainly
opened my eyes to a few things and gave me a reminder of my self
worth. Thank you!!!!! This book is going to help so many people!
– Heather

All right, enough talk, time to take some action and get the results you
want! The full book can be purchased here
http://www.anewmode.com/hes-not-that-complicated-book/
And once you finish it, please e-mail us with your feedback. We work
very hard to give our readers exactly what they want, so don’t be shy!



FREE CHAPTER OUTRO

viii



















1
Table of Contents
What is the Venus Factor


............................................................................................................................

4
Your New Venus Family........................................................................................................................9
Balance................................................................................................................................................12
Gender Differences In Metabolism


..........................................................................................................

14

Size Difference....................................................................................................................................14
Body Composition...............................................................................................................................15
Leptin...................................................................................................................................................18
Nutrition Science


......................................................................................................................................

24

Eat-Up Days vs Cheat Days................................................................................................................24
Disinhibited Eating – 'Good Food' vs 'Bad Food' Thinking Must Go.................................................27
Hot Button Foods................................................................................................................................30
What Should I eat?..............................................................................................................................31
Soy.......................................................................................................................................................31
Sugar....................................................................................................................................................31
Artificial Sweeteners...........................................................................................................................32
Beverages............................................................................................................................................33
Carbohydrates AKA "Carbs" - 4 calories per gram.............................................................................35
Fats - 9 calories per gram....................................................................................................................36
Protein - 4 calories per gram...............................................................................................................37
Meal Timing and Meal Frequency......................................................................................................38
Ego Depletion......................................................................................................................................40
A special note about coffee..................................................................................................................42
Calories


....................................................................................................................................................

44

Deficit vs Maintenance........................................................................................................................44
Metabolic Rates...................................................................................................................................46
Tapering Up Calories...........................................................................................................................49
Weight vs Shape


.......................................................................................................................................

51

Thinner Isn’t the Only Answer............................................................................................................53
What Determines Your Shape?............................................................................................................54
2
The Golden Proportion........................................................................................................................57
The Venus Index Measurements


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59

Ideal Waist (Height-to-Waist Ratio)....................................................................................................60
Waist-to-Hip Ratio (WHR)..................................................................................................................63
Shoulder-to-Waist Ratio......................................................................................................................65
How to Take Your Measurements.......................................................................................................67
Venus Index Measurement Example Guide........................................................................................68
Metabolic Flexibility & Adaptability..................................................................................................71
12-Week Undulating Metabolic Override Program


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Weeks 1-2 : 5 & 1 Protocol.................................................................................................................72
Weeks 3-4 : Undulation #1 - High Fat 2&1 protocol..........................................................................72
Weeks 5-6 : 5 & 1 Protocol.................................................................................................................73
Weeks 7-8 : Undulation #2 - High Protein 2&1 Protocol...................................................................73
Weeks 9-10 : 5 & 1 Protocol...............................................................................................................73
Weeks 11-12 : Undulation #3 High Carb 2&1 Protocol......................................................................74
The Venus Factor Virtual Nutritionist


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76

Using The Venus Factor Virtual Nutritionist.......................................................................................76
Inputs...................................................................................................................................................77
Outputs................................................................................................................................................78
Supplements


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81

References


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84

3
What is the Venus Factor
The Venus Factor is a complete weight loss and body re-shaping system. The components that make up
the entire system are as follows:
1. Main diet and weight loss manual (this document).
2. The 12-week workout system - this includes a library of instructional exercise videos and
complete 12-week workout system that can be done at home or in a gym.
3. The Venus Factor Virtual Nutritionist - this is a software app that calculates your specific calorie
and protein requirements for weight loss specific to your body measurements.
4. The Venus Community - A private online community exclusive for Venus Factor members only.
You can meet and learn from other Venus members, start your own personal blog within the
community, or just browse other members' blogs and forum for information. Your level of
involvement is your choice.
5. The Venus Index Podcast - Where you can listen to other Venus members tell their weight loss
success stories. Every year we host 3 transformation contests and I interview all the winners to
get the real inside story on how they used the Venus Factor system to fit their life and
challenges to achieve their weight loss and body shape goals.
Theoretically you can lose all unwanted weight using only the dietary tools you will find here. In other
words, if you never want to workout you don't really have to. However I rarely recommend this
approach as your results will be both accelerated and optimized with the addition of physical activity.
This is why we've included the 12-week Venus Factor workout system for you.
Getting in shape, or rather, changing the size and shape of your body is a two part process.
4
Part 1 is weight loss and fat removal.
This part is almost entirely dictated by your nutrition and diet. You can lose all the weight and fat that
you want if you have the right dietary approach. This system provides that dietary approach not only to
lose the fat but also to keep it off. This second point about 'keeping it off' cannot be stressed enough.
Many different diet programs can cause temporary weight loss. However the methods of most diets is
to 'crash' you into the weight loss, putting your hormonal, psychological, and physical systems out of
balance which leads to a stalling of weight loss and eventual rebound weight gain. This weight regain
pushes your system even further out of balance.
We've studied this problem and developed a solution that allows for weight loss without crashing and
most importantly without the rebound weight gain. This system should be the last one you ever need as
it's designed to produce as close to permanent weight loss as possible.
Part 2 is body and muscle shaping and toning.
You have a unique body structure and shape that is largely determined by two factors:
i)
the location and amount of fat you have on your body
ii) the shape and size of your muscles
And, while it is true that much of your natural shape comes from your genetics much of the way you
store fat and build muscle is within your control.
We've already discussed that the diet portion of this system will be used to remove the fat off of your
body (nutrition and diet component). The second part of this system is how you can change the shape
of your body by changing the shape and tone of your muscles (workout component).
Some people will remove the fat from their body and be perfectly happy with the natural shape and
tone of their muscles and will not want to, or need to do any exercising for muscle tone or shape. In my
experience this is less common as most women want to work on certain areas of their body.
5
The look and shape of your body is entirely within your control to change as you wish. You can take fat
off where you want, and you can shape and tone any muscles you want. For example many of our past
successful Venus's have lost all the body fat they wanted to lose, and then turned their focus to working
on specific muscles to complement their new leaner form. Many found that they wanted to work on
building their butt, and our program provides the tools to do this. Others find that once they lost their
weight they needed to work on their shoulders and arms citing that they already had strong firm legs
but needed their upper body to come into balance. Others still wanted a whole body workout that
provides balance, shape and muscle tone to their entire figure. All cases can easily be done with this
program.
Overall the Venus Factor system is designed to be the simplest approach possible to achieving fat loss
while also providing a workout program for developing and shaping muscle in a manner that is specific
to a woman's body. A major consideration that went into the production of this program was
practicality. In other words, this program had to also fit within a busy modern life. I fully believe you
can have the body you want without having to sacrifice your social life to get it. After all, what would
be the point of getting into great shape if you can never reap the social benefits of that new shape!?
Too many trainers and fitness coaches teach their clients to treat their diet and workout like a 'second
job'. Are you kidding me?! I don't even want a 'first job' let alone a second one!
The vast majority of women who want to lose weight simply do not have 6 to 8 extra hours a day to
dedicate to this endeavour. Heck, for most people even carving out 1 hour takes some rearranging and
schedule juggling.
6
My view of the Venus Factor is this:
The Venus Factor System is the essential diet and fitness tools you need to get the body you want,
while still being able to enjoy your life to its fullest.
My goal with this program is to simplify the process rather than overcomplicate it. No doubt if you
tried other diet or workout programs you already have many different diet and fitness 'rules' floating
around in your head that you will not see come up in this program. In fact one of your first challenges
will be accepting how simple this program really is. And I can assure you it's pretty simple.
At this time it's worth making a distinction between 'simple' and 'easy'.
This program just like any other diet or fitness program will have some challenges for you, some won't
necessarily feel 'easy' but they will be 'simple'. For example, a push up is a 'simple' movement, but it
may not necessarily feel 'easy' the first time you try it. Likewise eating a bit less sugar or fat is a
'simple' concept, but it may not feel 'easy' in the moment.
So to be clear I've made this as 'simple' as possible, but sometimes it won't necessarily feel 'easy'.
7
Beth Hill – The Venus Mindset
I do want to offer a huge thank you to YOU! It was discovering YOU
through MFP that led me to the Venus Index and I haven't looked back.
You have created such a beautiful transformation and I am simply in awe
of you! My 12 weeks ends today and I am so thrilled with the changes that
have occurred in my life - physically, emotionally, and spiritually!
As a tall woman, my biggest fear was always becoming big and tall. It has
now happened twice in the recent years and it feels absolutely horrible. At
this point in my life, I truly don't see it ever happening again. I have no
reservations and am committed to going forward!
Like everyone else, I have tried it all and struggled to make anything work
long term. VI is the answer I have been looking for. It's not prepackaged. It's not a pharmaceutical secret. It's not
a list of rules. It's not a temporary fix. It's not a fraud preying on human weakness for financial gain. It is the ease
of eating the foods I choose to eat on a smaller scale and simply challenging my muscles more and more. It is
not eating when I'm not hungry and budgeting my calories for when I do want to eat. It is not fitness for the
physically fit - it is fitness to create fitness. It is a personal commitment with no strings attached.
The biggest surprise for me has been my spiritual and emotional transformation. I am experiencing and enjoying
an unfamiliar joy - I can only describe it as being "high on life!" I am not sad, angry, grumpy or tired anymore.
My self-esteem, motivation, and optimism have been recharged. I am Beth again and that feels really good. I
truly feel that the best years of my life are ahead of me. The added benefit of connecting with and developing
friendships with so many likeminded women on VI has been an added bonus and such a blessing.
You led me to an amazing place Roberta and, because of that YOU will always be a part of my story. Thanks so
much!
You are loved!
Beth
8
Beth Hill
Your New Venus Family
I'm writing this part to make sure you're going into this program with open honest eyes about what it is
and what you can expect from it. You can have it all, you can lose all the weight and fat you've ever
hoped for and you can change the look and shape of your body however you wish. And one of the best
ways to get started is to talk to the Venus's in the community.
You can talk to many of our previous Venus transformation contest winners in the community and learn
exactly how they did it. They'll be more than happy to share. You can also listen to their podcast
interviews and absorb all of their insight and wisdom of how they managed to overcome their own
personal struggles along the way to getting their Venus body. Everyone will have their own personal
path to follow and I guarantee there is a Venus who has already done it that can help you with your
personal challenges.
Venus members are always willing to help, many of the previous successful Venus's will take new
Venus's under their wing and coach them through the process. Some form tight bonds with a few others
and create txt messaging accountability friendships. Others find local Venus's in their area and actually
meet each other in person to chat about the process, go for walks together and even workout together.
I've personally travelled to meet up with different Venus's and we've organized meet ups in various
locations (Las Vegas being a crowd favorite) and there is always another meet up around the corner.
In short, there is a wealth of experience, information, support, and friendship waiting for you in the
Venus community, all you need to do is introduce yourself and join the discussion. If you're not a
'forum user' then you can just poke around and read for awhile, no need to start chatting if you're not
100% comfortable at first.
The women of the Venus community are your new partners and team that will support you throughout
the process of getting to your weight loss and fitness goals. Many have built lasting friendships that
have transcended the community and turned into real life friendships. The community is waiting with
open arms for you whenever you're ready to be a part of it. And to be clear, this is a secure community
that is only available to active Venus Factor members, nobody else can read or access it.
9
Podcast Interviews
As I mentioned already, most of our past Venus transformation success stories have done a podcast
interview with me to reveal exactly how they achieved their weight loss and body shaping goals. There
is priceless information in each of these interviews and you can listen to them all for free just by
visiting our blog at www.venusindex.com
You can also find the podcast on itunes or whatever podcast aggregator you use by searching for
'venusindex'.
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Roberta Saum - The Venus Mindset
To me the Venus Mindset is a lifestyle that is about
taking ownership and responsibility for my own
health. It is a belief that I can be healthy, lean, fit,
muscular, and athletic within a mostly sedentary
society that contains an overabundance of food.
The odds of achieving this are against us in our
society so it takes a strong and aggressive mindset
to achieve this level of fitness and keep it. It is a
lifelong mindset. You need to be an outlier and do
things differently from everyone else.
The Venus Ideal goals were mostly part of the
weight loss phase and gave me the weight range
and shoulder and waist circumference to shoot for.
Having a realistic and tangible goal was a key for
staying on track and knowing I was headed in the
right direction.
It’s time to forget about what my scale weight is. It’s time to not worry about what my waist measurement is.
It’s time to enjoy the new me and the new clothes that still fit. It’s time to enjoy being physically active and
participate more in enjoying life. It’s time to listen to what everyone in my family and society is telling me,
“Wow you have an amazing physique and are so fit and healthy. How did you do that?”
I’m learning to enjoy life a little more. This is something I can do for the rest of my life. It’s my new life. It’s
the Venus life.
Roberta Saum
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Roberta Saum
Balance
This program is also about balance, both internally and externally. We fully expect you to have a
balanced life between career/school, family, friendships, relationships, hobbies and getting the body
you want. It's not an either/or situation. You should not, and will not have to put your life on hold to
change your body. Any program that teaches you this sort of extreme action is doing something (and
likely many) things wrong.
Internal & External Balance
The concept of balance starts with internal balance of your body from
a metabolic and hormonal level, extending to a balance of your
bodyfat levels and muscle, to a balance of your upper body and lower
body proportions.
I want you to get away from extreme thinking in black and white
terms. There is too much of this sort of thinking in diet and fitness and
it leads to significant stress over the process and I believe this stress is
the root of the failure that most women experience from dieting.
You'll find that I leave out many diet and fitness industry 'rules' about eating because I've learned
they're simply not necessary and add stress to a process that is already stressful enough. What is left in
this program are the essentials, just the tools that you need to succeed.
In the following section you'll learn about the major gender differences in metabolism and body
composition, and why the Venus Factor is designed for women specifically. You'll see that when the
systems of your body are out of balance it leads to difficulty losing weight. From there I'll explain how
the program works to correct any imbalance and put you back in an optimal state to both lose your
unwanted bodyfat and keep it off.
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Res from the UK
As a 30 year old working mother I do not have
time to waste. I do not have room in my head or
my schedule for a hundred complicated diet and
fitness mantras with which to punish myself on a
24/7 basis.
At this point you may well say, “Then you can
forget about getting a better body. THAT’S a job
in of itself!” Hey, I’m a modern woman and we
like to ‘have it all’ right? Luckily with Venus this
becomes a realistic possibility.
I joined Venus in January 2013. In 4 short months, I have achieved my best look since pre-pregnancy, all whilst
holding down two clinical placements and finishing my graduate studies with a First.
How did I do it? *Clears throat* easily. Yes, truly. I worked out no more than 3 times a week, I did zero cardio.
In truth I hung out like the Venus de Milo herself spending weekends in Paris, Rome and London, sampling all
the delicious fare these places have to offer. In short I lived my life. The diet travels.
For me the Venus Mindset is one of true adaptability. The Venus solutions become a part of your life, they don’t
take over.
Venus is not a one trick pony. I may be high maintenance but the diet and programs are not.
There was no fuss, no nightly planning, and no ‘falling off’ the diet. There was really no diet in the traditional
sense to fall off of.
A Venus is adult enough to make her own food choices and mature enough to hold responsibility for them.
A Venus doesn’t sit home sipping water and eating steamed veggies on a Saturday night. She’s out on the town at
the best restaurants, in the best dress, enjoying herself.
The Venus lifestyle is one of commitment. But one that is joyfully made given the overwhelming physical
returns. For just a little consistency you get a lot of progress.
The flexibility of the lifestyle makes it easy to side-step all the old diet blocks of more restrictive and
complicated diet and training regimes.
Res from the UK
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Res from the UK
Gender Differences In Metabolism
Men and women are different, this should be obvious at first glance. However, many people never stop
to consider that the things that make men and women different on the outside, come from the inside.
Size Difference
There are some rather obvious differences in men and women from a metabolic standpoint. The first is
that men in general have more lean body mass than women and as a result men can eat more calories
than women while still maintaining a leaner body. I've often been out for dinner and noted that the
serving sizes of food at a typical restaurant seem to be 'calibrated' for men. In other words, the portion
served fits fine for me, but seems to always be too much for a woman who might be dining with me.
It's a bit unfair that I can simply eat what is served while she will have to leave some on the plate if she
is concerned at all about managing her calorie intake.
The alternative would be a world of portion sizes 'calibrated' for women where she could eat what is
served and be perfectly satisfied without having to leave any food on her plate and I would have to
order double the amount to be satisfied. It's a matter of perspective, but the latter case would be much
more effective for weight loss as it's much easier to simply eat what is served to you compared to
exerting the willpower to leave food on your plate.
Ok that is enough about the general size difference of men and women. The next big difference is how
testosterone and estrogen affect our bodies.
14
Body Composition
Estrogen is what makes you a woman and testosterone is what makes me a man. Women and men alike
have a normal healthy and important circulating level of both of these hormones. Your estrogen levels
are much higher than the small amount a man would have, and likewise a man's testosterone level is
much higher than your normal health levels.
Gender differences in estrogen and testosterone levels are what dictate the difference we see in the
normal healthy ranges of body composition between men and women.
The normal body composition range for men is between 10%-20% bodyfat and for women is 20%-
30%.
Critically low bodyfat for men is approximately 3%, whereas for women critical low is approx 13% (as
indicated by the appearance of potentially dangerous metabolic abnormalities).
Clearly there is a difference in the general normal body composition of men vs women.
A man can be at or below 10% bodyfat and look healthy and lean. A women achieving this level of
bodyfat would actually look abnormal, sickly, and if enough muscle mass is on her body she will look
overly masculine.
In my experience working with many different women I've found that a lower bodyfat limit of
approximately 16% - 18% is as low as most women will ever want to go and still maintain a feminine
look. Anything below 20% is considered 'athletic/elite' for women. To contrast this with men, a bodyfat
% of approx 8-10% would be necessary for a man to be viewed as athletic/elite.
These body composition differences are due to the effect testosterone and estrogen have on our ability
to store and burn fat. This is totally normal and no reason for concern, it's simply why you are shaped
like a woman and I am not. The take home message is not to compare your bodyfat percentage to that
of a man (if you're thinking in terms of bodyfat at all).
Your target healthy range is between 20%-30%. Most of our Venus transformation contest winners
arrive at their best figure anywhere between 18%-22%. Your specific best/happiest/healthiest look will
15
be unique to you. We cannot predict with certainty what your bodyfat % will be when you arrive at the
look you are happiest with, but my guess is it will be somewhere close this range of 18-22%. This is
important: The goal is not 0% bodyfat, nor is it to reach a predetermined level of bodyfat because you
think this is the number you should have. The goal is to create a body you love and are proud of.
Mostly likely this will end up somewhere around the range of 18-22% bodyfat.
Let's do a brief summary of the gender differences we've talked about so far.
1. We know that you have more estrogen and less testosterone than men. It's what makes you a
woman, and it also determines what your lower healthy bodyfat range will be.
2. You generally have less lean body mass than a man and therefore do not burn as many calories
on a daily basis
3. Because of point 1 and 2 men can generally eat more calories than women and maintain a
somewhat leaner body
The next most important gender difference when it comes to fat loss is with the hormone leptin.
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Lisa Barban Etwell – The Venus Mindset
The Venus Mindset and what it means to me.
If I were to put the Venus mindset into one word it would be
EMPOWERMENT.
Cutting out the static is critical in being a successful Venus.
Having the knowledge that calories are king for fat
loss/maintenance and that lifting heavy things builds shape is
like owning a huge set of ear plugs protecting our ears and minds
from the constant noise, myths, confusion and untruths being fed
to us through the media and diet/fitness communities.
Another form of empowerment is the right to choose. You get to
decide whether you want your current shape or the shape of your
choice. How? By lifting heavy things.
You get to decide whether you want your current body fat levels
or ones that are less/more. How? By deciding how many calories
you eat.
Bottom line - YOU get to decide - and when you take the control and power of your own body back
from those that hijack your goals - that is power.
That is freedom.
So.. what is the Venus mindset?
Empowerment. Choice. Freedom.
That doesn't mean it's easy. But it does mean that you ultimately have all the power in the world to
make ANYTHING happen.
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Lisa Barban Etwell
Leptin
Leptin is a signalling molecule that is released from your fat cells that is
typically described as the master hormone regulating fat loss, due to the fact
that is more or less released in proportion to the amount of fat you have on
your body. The more fat, the more leptin (Owecki M. et al. 2010). This
however leaves out all of the other roles it plays, and it can actually be seen
as a master signalling hormone that is involved in the regulation and
signalling of bone density, metabolic rate, fat mass, cognition and memory,
inflammation, taste and sweetness perception, insulin sensitivity, and even the pathogenesis of skin tags
(Moran CN et al. 2011, de Boer TN et al. 2012, Horio N et al. 2010, El Safoury et al. 2010)
As you can see, leptin plays a significant role in many different systems of your body, and it's
especially important to fat loss and overall appetite regulation.
Leptin is produced and released by bodyfat and one of its many duties is to signal your brain to the
amount of fat on your body. It is also released in response to eating and tells your brain how much food
you've just ingested. It also responds to exercise intensity and duration, as well as the amount of
chronic inflammation in your body (Suzukawa M et al. 2011).
In other words, any typical diet intervention and/or exercise routine will stimulate a response in leptin.
Since you have at least twice as much leptin as a man, your specific diet approach needs to be nuanced
and designed to work for you as a woman. This doesn't mean you need to eat some wacky exotic food,
it just means a different style of nutrition and exercise (if you choose to exercise) should be followed to
maximize your results.
You have roughly twice as much leptin circulating in your system as a typical man does. Since leptin is
a major metabolic signalling molecule you might think that means you should burn twice as many
calories as a man. But that isn't the case. Typically when there is more of a hormone circulating in the
blood that means it is required to be at that level for some reason, or that the other systems of the body
are 'resistant' to that hormone. In the case of leptin it seems that women are somewhat naturally
resistant to leptin compared to men. Resistance may seem like a harsh word, so instead think of it as it
18
takes a little more leptin to do its job in a woman’s body compared to in a man’s body. And, this
difference is increased with higher bodyfat levels. This is partly why it's difficult for women to start
and stay consistent on a diet long enough to get the results they really want. It's also why severe low
calorie and very strict dieting (AKA “Crash dieting”) doesn't work for women but might actually be
more useful for men.
In two research studies done by Nicklas et al. in 1997 it was shown that leptin falls almost twice as
much in women compared to men. This means that women experience higher leptin highs, lower leptin
lows when attempting to diet. Men don't have these same dramatic swings in leptin as men have lower
natural circulating leptin levels, and when men go on a calorie restrictive diet they don't get as much of
a decrease in leptin. In other words, a man's metabolism won't crash on a severely calorie restricted diet
as easily as it could in women. It also means men won't experience the same feelings of hunger and
cravings for carbohydrates during a weight loss program. This might sound familiar to you if you’ve
ever attempted to diet alongside a male counterpart and noticed how much easier of a time he seemed
to have with it.
The two main differences between men and women when it comes to leptin are:
1. Men seem to have a higher natural sensitivity to leptin and therefore lower natural circulating
blood levels
2. When men go on a very low calorie restrictive diet they experience less of a drop in leptin and
as such their metabolism doesn't crash as easily and they don't get as severe cravings for carbs
To put it another way, women have higher natural leptin, and experience much more dramatic drops in
leptin when dieting. So your highs are higher and your lows are lower. Kinda like being on a roller
coaster with your metabolism and hunger and cravings throughout the dieting process. Does this sound
familiar from the last time you attempted a restrictive diet?!
Recall that one of the main focuses of the Venus Factor program is balance. And in the case of leptin
men have an easier go of it with balancing leptin while dieting. This is why so many diets that have
been written or created and tested on and by men never really work out so well for women. Men can
simply push through a low calorie diet with brute force without experiencing large drops or swings in
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leptin that cause cravings and metabolic disturbances.
An effective diet program for women must be designed to limit these dramatic swings in leptin in order
to allow you to successfully complete your weight loss program and arrive at your ideal weight.
In order to eliminate these swings in leptin and avoid creating massive food and carb cravings and
metabolic disturbances you can do two things:
1. Increase your sensitivity to leptin
2. Use food itself to restore leptin levels so they never drop too far
Leptin Sensitivity
There are 4 things you can do to increase your leptin sensitivity:
1. Get more sleep
2. Follow a well designed exercise program
3. Use a supplement designed to increase leptin sensitivity
4. Fasting
Leptin and Sleep
As with many processes of the body, a lack of quality and consistent sleep can mess it up, and leptin is
no different. Research shows that a lack of sleep can lead to leptin resistance (Charles LE. et al. 2011) .
A very simple but effective strategy for increasing leptin sensitivity to ensure that you're getting enough
quality sleep. Many people discount the importance of sleep for a healthy body but it cannot be stressed
enough. Good quality consistent sleep is going to make everything work better and feel better, and that
includes your leptin sensitivity. If you're not getting enough sleep, or not getting good sleep you should
definitely put a plan in place to improve your sleep quality.
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